11:00, 2:00 AM

Standard

i take a knife and stand in the dark.
the light flickers – there I am.
A mad smile – death in hand.
I can use it one of three ways –
maim
murder
pain.
i stand and sit, stand and sit,
run the blade over my pretty, pink lips.
Van Gogh, Van Gogh –
dead, doesn't speak.
The deep was a puddle to me.
I can cut away pieces I despise,
can cut through my heart to die,
can cut new lines.
will it matter to anyone, choose number two?
will it matter to anyone, choose number three?
nobody has ever been in love with me.
I walk alone in my own pain,
dreaming, screaming your name.

I hate you, I despise me –
I'll use the blade
And I guess we'll see.

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Patti – What I Think – Robert

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He inhales cocaine.

I die, gasping for breath, wake up on another man’s couch, miss everything about my soul and he—well, he inhales cocaine.

He rolls a dollar bill and closes his lips, takes a deep inhale.

Of.

Cocaine.

He mixes it with alcohol.

I’m dead but he’s fine. I’m dead but he’s fine I’m dead but he—

He calls to check on me.

What happened to 16, J? What happened when we were young and innocent and I was too sweet and you were too smart and we had never done a thing in the world what happened to sixteen, J?

Now I’ve been—killed. Ripped apart, blood everywhere, I’ve been murdered and I’m gone.

And you’ve inhaled cocaine.

Last Kiss, Slit Wrists

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The hills are tall, the rivers deep

i’ve been running away from my sleep.

It’s where you stay, where you rest.

You swim in circles in my head.

You drag up memories, our long car rides –

the way you kissed me on Friday night.

 

The sun is rising, mist floats above weeds

you went looking for her and stopped at me.

Now that I’m out here, knee deep,

no one’s coming, who’ll fall for me?

Borrow a knife, slit my wrists…

I’ll do anything to forget your kiss.

The Devil’s Love Song

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“I keep my anger at home” locked in a box that’s high on a shelf. I don’t take it down -and force myself to look at other things. Her lingerie, the plants, our photos. If I take the box down it shows me everything you’ve done to take for granted my love. The missed calls, the bruises on my lips – the knife I held that time on the kitchen floor when you were faded and throwing hits. I get new tattoos, autobiographical, showing how you killed me.

Step aside, let the devil through. He’s no help when I call, he likes the show you put on. Put your fingers around my neck and squeeze with everything you have. Take the box down – you broke my goddamned heart. I drink myself to death to prove everyone right. Give me a gun, give me a gun. I’ll blow my own head of just to watch you come undone.

Play the cords in e-minor, an outlaws love song – put the box back on the shelf before I kill us both. Pass me the whiskey – settling my own score. I haven’t had enough, my soul hasn’t made peace.

I’ll wait to kill me until your asleep.

I Was Drunk. You Were Gone.

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I was drunk, mixing alcohols, mixing my thoughts. My breaths knocked me cold and I wanted a hospital. I wanted medications. I wanted more booze. I wanted you.

You were gone.

I was drunk, mixing mouths and liquors. Sharking kisses is easy if you remove the intimacy. I tried to tell someone what I was seeing, he was standing in front of me. I wanted to be sober. I wanted you.

You were gone.

I was drunk, mixing and stirring the pot because I could. I was thinking about razor blades and death. I fell out the window, needed clean air. Woke up ashamed and thinking of the phone call because I wanted you and not her.

You were gone.

Write Circles, Dream Courage

Standard

The ending was written, I had seen it all before.

But of course, not this ending, not yours.

 

I liked the not knowing, the feeling of drowning,

 

of letting you and your dark dark hands

twist me and break me and leave me on wet sand.

I didn’t know how you would break my heart,

and that was the magic, where you told me you would start.

You were cunning and dark and you had a knife of a tongue

you used it to split me, watch me come undone.

Used it to cut and kiss and scrape

all of the places the dark had made.

 

It could have worked, we were so close,

 

I was threading our seams so they were one,

but I loved you and you loved too much.

 

The dark was your friend the knife was you

 

Your anger was there and here and inside me

I always, always, knew you were lying.

Yeah, my love, I was close to you.

And all you did was fuck me, love me,

leave me bruised.

Night Skies 

Standard

night skies, brown eyes-

you feel lucky and I’m the reason why.

I’ve got my hands down,

singing loud,

I wear a crown

but I hate the Lies.

Woods are dark, with 

luscious lips,

I’m drunk so you put hands on hips.

you know everything he did 

but you don’t understand

I’m a fucking savage

And 

I

Hate

Them.

I tell myself it’s rude

to try to remind you

that I hate touching

and your friend gave me bruises.

But you want what you want

you don’t listen to me.

I know it’s not love:

you look but you don’t see.

Cause I’ve got my hands down,

singing loud,

touch me again and I 

want to drown.

Take yours hands off my hips,

Take your eyes off my lips,

I hate your voice 

don’t you dare kiss.